Regulation does NOT equal Zen

Busting the myth that a regulated nervous system means you are calm all the time....

Why I'm Shifting My Focus to Substack

Before I dive into this topic, I wanted to take a moment to share why I feel compelled to focus my offerings on this platform. As a Neurodivergent introvert, I became disillusioned by the “chase” or vibe on Instagram. The constant churning and sharing of content is not for me. Similarly, I hear from others who have also put their focus into Substack.

Calling Out Misinformation in ADHD Spaces

Furthermore, the deluge of misinformation on ADHD and #adhdsupport was becoming a real turnoff. A solid example of this type of convenient adaptation involves how IG defines nervous system regulation.

After 25 years of work in this field, I even find it sometimes challenging to discern credible sources online. Let’s be honest, the algorithms on these apps aren’t supporting this effort. There are ADHD influencers, therapists, psychologists, “coaches” (check credentials, folks), etc. all feeding into the narrative that “once you regulate your nervous system you will be calm”.

I’m here to share that this idea is FALSE. In fact, for people who don’t hold the nuance of regulation work they are missing the reality that people may appear “calm” yet in fact are numb, disassociated, or completely immobilized.

What Is the Real Goal of Nervous System Regulation?

So, what IS the goal of regulation?

Thinking in terms of how we are wired, as mammals, for connection, the goal is to have enough capacity to hold the charge of life. What do I mean by “charge”? It means we can handle what comes at us with flexibility and without letting overload take us down. And we know how quickly, as Neurodivergent people, we can get overloaded. Yes, it’s true we weren’t biologically built to live in a world where we have thousands of social connections or know every tragic event that occurs in the world. Yet here we are. So to be in connection and community in this human experience we need to develop this strength.

With a more regulated system, we can manage the stress and the triggers. They don’t go away, lol. Life doesn’t go away. Yet, we can learn to respond from a place of intention rather than reactivity. We learn to be more adaptable, flexible, steady, present, curious, expansive.

Regulation as the Foundation of Energy and Emotional Management

If we think of this concept as it relates to energy management, regulation is essential. For clients who want to get out of chronic overwhelm, we focus on nervous system regulation as the foundation to the work. It’s important and foundational because with Neurodivergence comes high sensitivity. The bombardment of stimuli combined with our wiring makes it difficult to process information and discharge energy. Inevitably, we live in states of high activation and will often bounce up and down the autonomic ladder until, eventually, we crash into immobilization due to prolonged activation or stress. It’s why burnout is so prevalent in our community. Conversely, when we have the ability to regulate our nervous system, we improve emotional regulation, executive functioning, energy management, relationships, etc.

From Surviving to Flourishing Through Co-Regulation and Coaching

In moving out of survival mode and towards states of flourishing, we not only have the capacity to hold where we are, we also build towards where we want to go. It's leveling up. In terms of energetics, we continue to expand to hold more charge and more of what we want to bring into our lives. It’s co-creating with the universe through our biology, beliefs, authenticity however you want to define it.

As I reflect on this work for myself and my clients, I hold the belief that coaching is a powerful facilitator of this process. Especially for ADHD or other Neurodivergent individuals, a soft accountability partner catalyzes growth. Because at the end of the day, we are more than our diagnosis ( I know it may be part of me but it’s not ME, not my essence). We are all innately wise, capable, resourceful, and complete. And to get to a place where we can hold that complexity and perspective, we need to look at regulation as key to embodying this fluidity.