5 Challenges of Running a Neurodivergent Household

Hint....you're not just the CEO.

Executive Function Fatigue, Emotional Labor, and the Power of Unlearning

It’s been a few weeks since I published mainly due to being sidelined by the flu. Each time I attempted to sit down and write, the brain fog was prohibitive. That could also be the perimenopause talking…..yet I digress. Ok, I also knew that despite all the thoughts and ideas that were percolating, it would be better to be on the mend before sharing out. :) So here I am with some reflections on what it means to feel down with the requirement to still keep going.

When You’re Everyone Else’s Executive Functioning

Even if your EF is a daily battle, you’re STILL everyone else’s Executive Functioning.

This will, no doubt, be the hill I die on. Listen, I know my strengths and thanks to the VIA and the work of David Giwerc, MCC, I tap into them and my authenticity every day. It’s the only way to get some positive emotional charge going when I’m down and out. However, being the CEO….or rather the CFO, COO, etc. isn’t my strong suit. I’m more of a strategic thinker yet being in the project management role is where I am. For years, I used my anxiety as a way to keep my ADHD in check. The overthinking, over-planning, and over-executing kept me afloat…..until it didn’t. AND, I’m not alone. Most of my female clients with ADHD report the same thing. “Hey, this job isn’t aligned for me!!” So, yes, from an energy management standpoint being “in charge” involves an incredible amount of unseen labor, cognitive load, emotional load, and can often lead to burnout.

The Chaos We Crave... Until We Don’t

Chaos is all around you ….at all times.

Ok, when it’s fun it is SOOO fun. We all love the novelty, the spontaneity, the laughter until things take a turn. And they can do so quickly. I like to compare this rollercoaster ride to a baby on the brink of breaking down. You know, it’s that moment where their incredible belly laughs turn into dysregulated shrieking and then into the full-blown meltdown. Emotions can change on a dime so you better find a way to anchor. For myself and my clients, I bring down the overwhelm by both removing external stimuli in the environment AND grounding internally. Believe me, if you are neurodivergent and aren’t doing nervous system regulation work then get on this bus. You won’t regret it. It’s the only way out of the swirl…….

The Weight of Going It Alone

Life can feel isolating and lonely.

Per example one, holding, managing, and executing all the things can make us chronically overwhelmed. We’re either in a highly activated state to get it all done or in states of functional freeze or immobilization. Often times, there is not much left to give to ourselves let alone other relationships. I hear from coaching clients that asking for help is useless. “When I ask for help, my spouse or kids will agree then forget to follow through….or just outright refuse”. Due to oppositional behaviors often present in Neurodivergent folks (and, I’m stubborn too), the simple request for help can feel like pressure or nagging to those around us. So, the pattern gets reinforced that we need to “manage alone”. I once saw an IG post that read “Burnout doesn’t happen from giving too much. It happens from not getting what you need in return.” #realtalk

There Is No Room for Weak EQ

Ok, parents you know what I mean. We’ve all been there. The place where our capacity is so diminished we are hanging on by a thread. And then it happens. Your child attunes to that weakness and goes in for the kill….lol. Ok, it’s probably on a very subconscious level yet still true. With a household of HSPs, the dynamics can get wonky fast. It takes a great deal of strength to stay grounded internally while the emotions of others are flying through the air. I recall an experience years ago in a moment of weakness I yelled out, “I am not everyone’s emotional tampon!!”. With varying communication styles, differences in processing, and emotional regulation abilities it’s uber important to practice the power of the pause. And often, as mothers, we are setting the tone since our kids co-regulate through us.

Unlearning What No Longer Serves Us

We need to “unlearn” what we’ve learned.

What do I mean by unlearning? Sure, there is a ton of information on what to implement to feel more organized and in control. We have access to organizational hacks, productivity apps, all the “top tips”, etc. yet I truly believe as Neurodivergent humans we could benefit from less not more. We can unlearn the programming and messaging that leave us feeling inadequate or full of guilt and shame. We can unlearn what we’ve been told works for us by other people. AND, we can tap into our inner knowing, our essence, our intuition, our authentic code. We can begin to honor our needs, desires, passions without giving up aspects of our lives we don’t want to abandon. We can feel the self-respect that comes from being in integrity of our voice while enhancing our relationships. Finally, we can connect and expand our communities so we DON’T have to “manage alone.”

A Path Toward Sustainable Change and Flourishing

If you’re feeling these challenges too then I encourage you to join us in The Mosaic Mindspace. This is a group coaching membership I started for Neurodivergent folks. In this safe space we share, we connect, we transform. We transform from surviving or managing life and symptoms to flourishing. If you’re ready to make sustainable change let’s take the next step together.

I hope to see you there.

Warmly,

Michele